The Year of Dreaming
2023 was, far and away, a year marked by some of the most massive lengths of personal growth in my whole life. As I write this, I am a completely different version of myself than Katie in January 2023. I’m deeply proud, thankful, and really in awe that the degree of change has even happened, but I’d like to share a few things I grew through in 2023 as I look forward to 2024!
The Vulnerability of Dreaming
This year, I was given the opportunity and the duty to dream far beyond what I would ever describe as a safe, normal, or natural next step. I’ve learned there’s a vast vulnerability surrounding dreaming that makes me feel supremely uncomfortable. It’s this exposed feeling of wanting to be the first person in the room to say the dream is stupid, so that somebody else doesn’t say it and knock the wind out of you. In fact, the entire year we’ve only shared our dreams with a rare few and it’s sounded a bit like this: “I don’t know…we were kind of thinking of maybe doing this thing…in this location…and maybe we could do this other thing, too. What do you think?” Then, bracing like hell to hear the honest responses from the folks we dared share our dreams with.
In this vast vulnerability of dreaming, I’ve uncovered several false beliefs and theological errors I’ve held onto that have been important to identify, define, and rebuke.
False Holiness
For years, I believe I learned a false holiness. A human-less holiness. I heard rebukes from the pulpit: “I’m sick and tired of hearing people ask children what they want to be when they grow up! Why aren’t we asking children ‘what does the Lord want you to be when you grow up?’” Which led to what I’ll call a human-less holiness. It’s a holiness that completely removes the human being. And I’ve concluded that I’ve been taught a relationship with Jesus that excludes me. It was called a relationship, but it really could never fully include me. The holiness, the relationship, the religion I was taught removed ME from the equation.
Humility
In a good-hearted effort to teach the humility in John 3:30 ("He must become greater; I must become less”), I absorbed, “Katie, you need to disappear. Your thoughts. Your dreams. Your skills. You must disappear, so that he will be glorified.” This absorbed lesson resulted in a true omission of myself. A false-holiness that looks like NEVER saying you’re proud of your hard work. NEVER thinking about what you’d like for your life. Neglecting my own opinions, desires, pursuits, needs, etc.
The Truth About Dreaming
Thank the Lord, much of what I learned/absorbed/was taught, is completely antithetical to the character of Jesus himself. I’ve come to realize that the Lord wants a relationship with all of me. I’ve come to realize that the dreams that light my heart on fire, and keep me up at night with delight and joy, are the dreams that the Holy Spirit has placed directly in me.
I’ve come to realize that dreaming is one of the most spiritual things I did in 2023. Somehow, my dreaming intertwines with my praying, my seeking, and my joy in the Lord’s presence. In fact, my most joyful communion with the Lord felt more like dreaming together. In Psalm 37:4, we are told, “Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart.” And I’ve experienced it all year.
It is not lost on me that in the year 2023 - the year of the girl, the year of the two largest musical stadium tours celebrating two iconic women, the year a 33-year-old woman was named TIME’s person of the year - the Lord is speaking to my heart directly, drawing out my dreaming, adding life and light and glitter and shine to what was a dusty old hidden part of my heart.
In the summer, it struck me deeply when Barbie said “The Barbies worked hard and they dreamed hard to make [Barbieland] everything that it is!” I remember thinking how odd and silly it sounded to claim how hard the Barbie’s dreamed. But it stuck with me and I pondered it for weeks. I now see how powerful it is. I now see how powerful dreaming is, and how holy.
As I look forward to 2024, I have a heart full of burning dreams. I would have NEVER said in the beginning of 2023 that the year would be for DREAMING, but I look back and say that’s just what it was. A year full of burning, star-shooting, magical, spiritual, joyful, life-giving dreaming. Thank you, Lord, for knowing me best. For teaching me. For sharing who you are with me and pursuing who I am! I can’t wait for 2024! I can’t wait to see what you have for me next, and I surely can’t wait to fulfill Barbie’s wise words! I can’t wait to work hard and dream hard to make 2024 everything that it will be!!
